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Aromatherapy and Grief – treating grief with the right balm

By Rosa Ghidella

Unless we are completely isolated from the rest of the world, chances are most of us
have or will experience grief, to  some degree, in the course of our  lifetime. The loss
of a parent, partner, child, a much-loved pet, sibling  or a good friend can lead us to
experience intense feelings of grief and loss.

Grief or bereavement is the term we use to describe the feelings, thoughts behaviours
we experience when we face the loss of a loved one. Experts acknowledge there is no
right way of coping with death.

The way a person responds to grief is partly dependant on their relationship with the
person  who  has  passed on, but  also  depends  on their  cultural background, their
upbringing, spiritual beliefs and personality.

In many cultures, there are symbolic and public rituals to farewell the person who has
passed on, with public displays of grief and sorrow – this mourning period may extend
over a period of days and involve everyone who knew that person.

In other cultures, grieving is considered a very private process, and public displays of
grief are awkward, uncomfortable and covertly discouraged.

As human beings, we have a need to develop intimate, affectionate  inter-dependent relationships with others for our emotional  physical wellbeing. Maintaining such bonds
requires an ongoing  investment  of emotion on our part, opening  ourselves up to the
other person, giving of ourselves and learning to trust, to forgive and love.

The passing of a loved one permanently breaks that  bond, at  least on a physical level.
Grief creates a struggle for us as we try to hang on to that bond through our memories, experiences and feelings  involving that  person whilst also experiencing  the heartache
and reality of the physical loss.

Grief requires  us to  let go and accept the impermanence of life. We are  faced with
letting  go – not  only  of  the person  who  has  passed away, but also of unfulfilled
dreams or wishes of a different future than the one we envisaged  for ourselves with
that person in our lives.

The “finality” of death can lead to intense feelings of loss, overwhelming  sorrow and
despair. However, grieving  goes  far beyond  sadness or sorrow, etching itself on to
every cell  of our body, making a deep impression  on our  soul, deep within the very
being of ourselves.

Grief changes us in a way that is so profound yet difficult to  comprehend if we have
never  experienced its  intensity  before. It creates  a void  in our lives, which often
manifests  in  deep physical pain, and  can leave us feeling vulnerable, confused and
frightened.

PHASES OF GRIEF
Grief usually passes through three stages, but these stages are not separate, nor do
they necessarily follow in sequence.
• An initial stage of shock or disbelief when it is difficult to believe that the death has
  occurred. This stage may last minutes or weeks.
• A stage of acute anguish that usually lasts from weeks to months when feelings of
  depression occur; planning the future may be difficult.
• A phase of resolution and acceptance after months, or even years.

SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF
Grief can include the following symptoms:
• disbelief, shock, numbness, denial, surreal feelings “as if living through a dream”
• anger
• feelings of guilt and remorse for things unsaid or not completed
• sadness, depression and tearfulness
• anxiety about the future
• feelings of isolation, loneliness, hopelessness and self-pity
• preoccupation with the deceased
• disturbed sleep and appetite and, occasionally, weight loss

ESSENTIAL OILS AND AROMATHERAPY – SUPPORTING US THROUGH GRIEF

Grieving can be a very lonely experience. While we  may be surrounded by others who
love and support us, grief is essentially a very personal experience, and requires us to
face a barrage of emotions that ultimately have to be faced in our own unique way to
enable us to pass through to the other side of acceptance.

However, Aromatherapy can be a gentle, non-intrusive way to support someone
experiencing grief.

Essential oils have a profound  effect on our psyche and can provide comfort and
support throughout the grieving process, helping one to express their grief  come
to terms with it.

The soothing combination of aromatherapy and massage, through the therapeutic
effects of both aroma and touch, can be enormously healing during a time of grief.

APPLICATIONS

While there are  many  effective  applications  of  aromatherapy in this context, the
nurturing and powerful effect of touch is one of the most effective. At a time where
one may feel alone and isolated in their own grief, a massage can offer the intimacy
and comfort in a manner that is non-intrusive.

This is even more important where a person has been caring for a dying person and,
over that time, has likely neglected their own emotional and physical needs.

Massage has a deeply relaxing and releasing effect on the  body  and on our wellbeing,
with  the  power  to  relieve  stress and enable each individual to mobilise their healing
potential. Massage can powerfully restore a grieving client's nervous system, softening
relaxing taut muscles, allowing overactive minds to slow down  emotions to settle.

Often, just supporting individuals in a  compassionate  manner and allowing them the
connect with their  inner awareness  subtle sensations of their body, we can initiate
a healing response that spreads throughout their entire physical and emotional being.

Judith McKinnon and Robyn Scherr in their article “Touching Grief: When Disaster
Strikes” worked with and observed the benefits of massage on rescue workers and
survivors of the Oklahoma City Bombing.

They believed that touch may be the more immediate need for many people in moments
of trauma, bringing them into a greater sense of grounding.

However, as Aromatherapists, we must recognize that we are not psychologists or
counsellors, and our work can be greatly enhanced as part of a more comprehensive
response. In such  cases, referral to a qualified and professional counsellor may be
necessary.

WHICH OILS?

There are a plethora of essential oils to choose from when  treating  someone who is
grieving. Primary consideration, of course, is of treating the person as a whole. Each
individual is dealing with grief in their own way.

Deciding which essential oils to use depends on a range of issues. At what stage of the
grieving  process  are  they? Are they  in  denial, shock or anger? Are they experiencing
bouts of depression? Are they experiencing physical symptoms?

The following guide offers a guide to the selection of oils we can choose from and their implications for both the physical and emotional symptoms related to grief.

Cypress (Cupressus sempervirens) – Cypress helps to  move blood and circulate Qi
throughout the body, and energetically it encourages the  process of “taking in and
letting go”, helping us to dissolve remorse and to flow with the rhythm of life.

When change is imminent, as it is no doubt through death, Cypress brings structure,
strength  and  a  sense of  protection, and helps us cope with and accept the most
difficult of changes. Cypress supports and  holds the space for the soul to remain in
balance and encourages us to relinquish that which no longer serves.

Marjoram (Origanum marjorana) – This  immune booster  helps at a time  when we may
have been neglecting our own needs through grief. It  can help soothe  an overwrought
nervous system, fortify our spirit and reduce obsessive thinking.

It is  a  sweet, nourishing  and  balancing  essential  oil that comforts and nurtures the
person  in  grief. Traditionally  used  as  a  funeral  herb, it  is effective in helping us to
accept deep loss, especially  when combined  with cypress and rose. It has a tonifying
& strengthening effect for those experiencing chronic lethargy and nervous exhaustion.

Rose Otto (Rosa damascene) - The oil of the heart, Rose has a special affinity with grief
and opens the heart to release pent up emotions and comforts  heartache and sorrow. It promotes the release of nervous anxiety, insomnia & palpitations for the grieving person.

This beautiful essential oil is renowned for its ability to heal emotional wounds, bringing
warmth to those experiencing despair, deep pain and loss.

Eucalyptus (Eucalyptus radiata) -  This essential  oil is helpful  in reviving  the spirit,
restoring vitality and assisting one to move forward. Eucalyptus opens the chest and encourages a more expansive sense  of awareness  and  understanding, uplifting  the
spirit when there is
a sense of entrapment and limitation.

It is penetrating and cleansing and encourages the stirring up of stagnation that can
keep us stuck, and enables us to break free from fear and negativity.

Bergamot (Citrus aurantium var. bergamia) – Bergamot brings an uplifting quality to the
spirit through  balancing  the  hypothalamus gland, the  centre of  deeper emotions such
as fear and rage. It can  help to  heal  and  soothe the  soul and to reopen and heal the
heart chakra.

It promotes  the  release  of pent  up  emotion, relieving  depression  which  comes from
accumulated stress or repressed emotion such as unexpressed anger. This is particularly
helpful in treating symptoms of insomnia, anxiety and sudden mood swings.

Benzoin (Styrax benzoin) – Benzoin’s warming  and comforting effect on the emotions
helps us face the challenges in accepting that  life will continue without our loved one.
Benzoin helps to acknowledge and integrate the changes we are forced to face.

This is particularly effective in treating the person who is over-thinking and constantly
worrying by grounding him or her and easing nervous anxiety. It offers a stabilizing and consolidating influence to calm and centre the mind and emotions.

Melissa (Melissa officinalis) - This uplifting oil helps  release trauma and pain and serves
as  a  tonic  of  the  heart  (both physically  and emotionally). Melissa can help us find a
renewed interest in life by softening our extreme emotions and encouraging more mindful reflection on the things that we have to be grateful for.

Melissa is also very effective in dispelling fear & bringing acceptance and understanding
and is particularly important for those experiencing symptoms of  depression or who are emotionally sensitive and are experiencing intense pressure.

Hyssop (Hyssopus officinalis) - This strong, fresh and exhilarating essential oil helps
define boundaries  with others and  psychically cleanse the emotional detritus of loss
and grief, traditionally seen as the herb of Protection.

It is  useful in  helping one  release feelings  of negativity and helps to abate feelings of hopelessness & vulnerability. Hyssop is a tonic for melancholic and pessimistic symptoms
and is spiritually purifying. It is known to assist in normalising blood pressure.

Chamomile (Matricaria chamomila) – Calming and nurturing, Chamomile helps to reduce
anxiety, promotes a sense  of relaxation and  assists in the tasks of letting go. It has a
strong  energetic  influence  on the  solar plexus, the  vital centre  of our psychological
needs and wants. Chamomile helps to ease the build up of nervous tension and helps us
to acknowledge our limitations & to more readily accept the help and support of others.

Frankincense (Boswellia carteri) - This oil’s most important sphere of action is the
nervous system, offering stability and insulation when one feels vulnerable, treating
nervous exhaustion and fatigue. Frankincense helps smooth the flow of stagnant Qi
whenever there has been an accumulation of stress.

It is a mild tonic that can uplift, protect, nurture and centre the mind. It is deeply
tranquillising, yet deeply clarifying, allowing the spirit to soar.

Clary sage (Salvia sclarea) - This oil is  renowned for its anti-depressant properties and
was  classically  used  for “melancholy”. Clary Sage  relaxes and  reinforces  the nervous
system  and  is  effective  in  treating  depression related to chronic tension, and can be
an excellent oil for a carer who nursed their dying loved one, & who may have neglected
their own needs over that time.

It helps calm the mind & ease  tension & is renowned  for its mental-emotional uplifting properties. Clary  sage  is  also  valuable  for  those  experiencing  changeable  moods,
emotional confusion and indecisiveness.

Sandalwood  (Santalum  spicata) – This  balsamic  meditative  oil  supports the adrenal
glands and kidney energies when they are out of balance due to anxiety & over-thinking.

Sandalwood clarifies  and  stills  the mind, diminishing  the repetitive  strain of incessant
mind chanter and worry, and worldly attachments. It evokes a space  of tranquillity and
is effective in treating “hot”, agitated states  such as  insomnia, headache and nervous exhaustion.

Tea Tree  (Melaleuca  alternifoli) - This  is  a  tonic  for  the soul, boosting the morale of
someone who is fatigued and struggling. It is very useful for someone with a poor immune system who is experiencing symptoms of depression.

It tonifies the Qi energy where one experiences palpitations, shallow breathing & fatigue. Fortifying  the lungs, it  helps to promote  a positive outlook  and healing instinct as well
as uplifting the spirit and building confidence.

References:

Davis, Patricia Subtle Aromatherapy, 1991

Farrer-Halls, Gill The Aromatherapy Bible: The Definitive Guide to Using Essential Oils,
2005

Lawless, Julia Aromatherapy and the Mind : The Psychological and Emotional
Effects of Essential Oils, 1994

McKinnon, Judith & Scherr, Robyn “Touching Grief: When Disaster Strikes”, published
in Massage and Bodywork, 2000

Mojay, Gabriel Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit : A Guide to restoring
emotional and mental balance through essential oils, 2000

Price, Shirley & Price, Len Aromatherapy for Health Professionals, 1999

Worwood, Valerie Ann The Fragrant Mind: Aromatherapy for Personality, Mind, Mood
and Emotion, 1997

Zeck, Robbi The Blossoming Heart: Aromatherapy for Healing Transformation, 2004

About the Author:
Rosa Ghidella is the Director  of the Haberfield Naturopathic Centre, a  multidisciplinary
natural therapy centre in Sydney. She practices aromatherapy, remedial massage and reflexology and is a qualified counsellor.

She is also the Managing Director of Argital Australia, which imports a beautiful range
of organic, natural skincare and personal care products.

©Rosa Ghidella, 2011